“Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people.”
I remember reading this quote and thinking there is way too much gossip going on around me in my family, with friends, and at work.
I don’t know about you, but I don’t feel good when I walk away from that type of conversation.
I decided I didn’t want to participate in it anymore. I wanted to change this behavior, so I turned to my favorite tool—tapping—to clear out any reactions I might feel about gossip or reasons I might like to talk about others.
When I was sharing this experience in one of my tapping workshops, I found many of my students felt the same way. We decided to tap on gossip right then and there.
I led them through the following 7 Steps to Stop Gossip, which I encourage you to follow if you also want to banish this not-so-great habit from your life:
Read through the following statements. Write down those that resonate with you the most. There is no need to judge yourself while doing this. Just notice which ones make you feel something, or which ones you’re too embarrassed to admit, and write them all down.
- I love gossip
- I love to hear gossip
- I like to know what is going on in people’s lives even though it isn’t my business
- I feel important
- I feel like my life is better or I am better than them
- I feel in the know when I participate in gossip about others
- It makes me feel better about myself if other people have bad stuff going on in their lives
- I hate gossip
- Gossip makes me sick
- I feel like I am going to throw up when I hear people gossiping
- It’s so hurtful to gossip
- It’s destructive and even manipulative to gossip
- I hate when I am the topic of gossip
- I hate when people gossip about someone I care about
- It’s so easy to gossip
- It’s fun to gossip
- I don’t know if I can stop gossiping
- What would I talk about instead?
- When I’m really honest with myself I realize I gossip a lot
- I don’t mean to gossip
- I feel bad that I’ve been gossiping so much
- I feel like a bad person
- It makes me sad that I’ve gossiped so much
- I don’t like to be gossiped about
- I don’t want to gossip anymore
After you’ve taken an honest assessment and written down all the phrases you react to, read through the list again and circle the top three to five statements that trigger you the most.
Of the ones you just circled, put a star by the top two that you feel the most intense about. (The ones you’re most embarrassed to admit, the ones that you are most upset about.)
Then rate the two phrases that you starred on a scale of 0–10 for how true they are for you in this moment.
0 = Not true at all
10 = Totally true
Notice where in your body you can feel any sensations. Is your neck pulsing? Your throat clogging up? Your knee hurting? Just notice what is going on in your body, and notice what it feels like. Go ahead and rate how intense the sensation is on a scale of 0–10.
0 = No intensity at all, can’t even feel it
10 = Super intense!
Start tapping on the two phrases you starred. Repeat the phrases several times as you tap. Notice any other thoughts popping up in your mind and tap on those as well.
Repeat this process until you clear out your desire to gossip. You’ll know it has been cleared when you no longer react to the statements that previously triggered you, and your body will feel calmer on the inside.
Going forward in your day to day conversations with others, pause before you speak and ask yourself these three questions:
“Is it true?”
“Is it kind?”
“Is it necessary?”
Let the answers linger in your heart a moment or two before you continue.
What you say matters. Like this Korean Proverb says, “Words have no wings but they can fly a thousand miles.” So let your words be ones of love and good intent.
Did you enjoy this exercise?
Check out “No Complaining unless your tapping” video here.
For other tapping tips and tapping videos to follow along with, join me in my Facebook Tapping Community.