Finding the Gift in Sexual Abuse

“Find the gift,” my coach said. “There is always a gift in horrible situations. Find it. Find the gift in the sexual abuse.”

How could I ever find the gift from being abused from age 11 to age 17? What the hell kind of a gift is there in that?!

After years of denial, a failed marriage, other failed relationships with men, and then no dating for years – the old memories of sexual abuse kept popping in my mind. I couldn’t get rid of them.  I didn’t want them. They just kept popping in.  

And I knew it was time. I knew it was time to deal with them.  

I had been minimizing the situation all of these years. I minimized it to myself saying “He never fully penetrated me with his penis, so it’s not that big of a deal.”

Really?

Not that big of a deal?

He touched me without my permission.
He touched my breasts.
He went down my pants and put his fingers inside me.
He held me against my will.
He hurt me.
He scared me.
He popped out of the bushes and attacked me.
He chased me.
He knocked me down to the ground.
He hurt me.

That IS a big deal!

Even 30 years later, this was impacting my entire life.
My relationships.
My health.
My self-esteem.
My boundaries.
My self-worth.

I knew it was time to start dealing with it – so I starting using EFT/Tapping on some of the yuckiest memories with the help of a Certified EFT Practitioner.

(This is not work to tackle on your own! Often it is too emotional to deal with on your own and it’s in your best interest to have a trained professional guide you through a process to help you on your healing journey.)

One of the sessions started out with tapping on his name.

I literally burst into tears – and was completely sobbing – just saying his name. His three letter name. “Dan.”

I tapped over and over on his name

“Dan”

“Dan”

“Dan”

“Dan”

“Dan”

“Dan”

“Dan”

“Dan”

“Dan”

I tapped and tapped until I could say his name without crying and without emotion.

I knew I needed additional help to heal. I started going to a therapist that used EMDR and multiple other modalities to help me clear out the memories, calm my body down, help me feel safe again and re-connect emotions so I could feel again.

It was a lot of intense work – worth every minute of time and every penny spent.

Then I started toying with the idea of forgiveness. Forgiving “Dan” for all that he did. Letting go of the choke hold I had on my life.

After months and months of intense work – one day it simply popped into my head. The gift. The gift I received from all the years of abuse.  The gift. And when that popped in my head tears starting streaming down my face.

The gift is – my keen awareness of body movements, tone of voice, and facial expressions.

The gift is the love I have for reading people’s body language.

What do I mean?

Well, I used to watch “Dan’s” movements. Body movements. I would listen to hear his voice – to see if he was going to abuse me that day. It was my body’s way of protecting me – helping me have this keen awareness so I would know when to get out of danger.

For years I’ve been interested in people’s body language. I am so fascinated by it. Countless times I sit with someone at dinner and tell them all about what is going on at the table next to us based on people’s body language. I can tell if the people are into each other, getting along or in a fight. And I love figuring it out.

Fast forward to my 40’s and I am a trained and Certified EFT Practitioner. My clients get awesome results and pay me high compliments for serving them and helping them through challenges in their own lives. I began wondering what is it that makes me such a gifted practitioner. After speaking with several people about it I determined that:

1. My use of intuition is amazing – like I read my client’s minds
2. My keen awareness of my client’s shifts and changes is uncanny

After being abused over time my brain tuned into everything to keep me safe. My brain tuned into body movements. My brain tuned in to tone of voice. My brain tuned into facial expressions. My brain tuned into anything and everything “Dan” did so I could keep myself safe. If “Dan” had certain movements, my brain knew trouble was ahead and would figure out ways to avoid it.

Over time I got so good at recognizing these little nuances.  Now I’ve honed my skill by learning even more about body language and I use this skill in my practice with my clients.

I look for involuntary body movements – such as an eyebrow raising, a brow furrowing, a split second facial expression, a change in voice – tone/speed/rate/pitch.

I tune in so keenly that when I catch it I stop and check in with my client and help them clear out whatever is triggering them in that moment.

That’s it! That’s the gift!

The gift from being sexually abused all those years is my keen sense of awareness in reading body language – spoken and unspoken. This learned skill allows me to help so many others clear out old memories, feelings and emotions that are no longer serving them so they can move to a feeling place of happiness and joy.

What a beautiful gift I get to share with the world to help others on their healing journeys!

If something in my story spoke to you and you realized you have something you’ve been ignoring or resisting and are ready to do the work and let it go, I would be honored to help you on your healing journey.

Read  part 1 of how I Forgave the Unforgivable.

Click here to order my book On the Other Side – a Spiritual Memoir